I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
