We're facebook friends in real life
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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