dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
