I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
