I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
