Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
