i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
