Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
