Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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