i think my tv is drunk
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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