I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
