His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've blown a few things in my day
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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