that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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