You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
