I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
