i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
