Texts From Last Night

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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?

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  (856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do? http://tfl.nu/j1dk
  Replies (52) Good night (788) Bad night (2254)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?

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  (216): Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon? http://tfl.nu/iu1h
  Replies (19) Good night (847) Bad night (1508)
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  (408): View more from California

  Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand

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  (408): Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand http://tfl.nu/h440
  Replies (31) Good night (4961) Bad night (718)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.

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  (210): masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know. http://tfl.nu/gdcq
  Replies (32) Good night (754) Bad night (5677)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano

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  (210): I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano http://tfl.nu/qhs9
  Replies (23) Good night (1217) Bad night (6380)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.

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  (847): Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator. http://tfl.nu/lq0c
  Replies (31) Good night (9073) Bad night (1727)
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  (650): View more from California

  Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.

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  (650): Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot. http://tfl.nu/jbjf
  Replies (8) Good night (3176) Bad night (896)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.

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  (765): I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday. http://tfl.nu/lb5a
  Replies (5) Good night (2002) Bad night (700)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't text me with that hand

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  (410): SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR (610): Don't text me with that hand http://tfl.nu/c1bj
  Replies (16) Good night (3590) Bad night (794)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.

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  (215): I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names. http://tfl.nu/kef5
  Replies (7) Good night (1873) Bad night (675)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.

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  (678): Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on. http://tfl.nu/4vca
  Replies (1) Good night (1257) Bad night (377)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit

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  (561): Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit http://tfl.nu/ek73
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (334)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha

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  (440): I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha http://tfl.nu/do0h
  Replies (0) Good night (643) Bad night (292)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.

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  (773): Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there. http://tfl.nu/z9zi
  Replies (3) Good night (487) Bad night (640)
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  (984): View more from North Carolina

  I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?

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  (984): I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal? http://tfl.nu/izvy
  Replies (3) Good night (606) Bad night (315)

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