funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
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Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
and you fell through a lawn chair