Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
