i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer