If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements