Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
