After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
