'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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