You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
