I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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