YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
