Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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