a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
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You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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