New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
