can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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