What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
