my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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