so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
