i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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