Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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