While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
