I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
actually, I'm a sock model
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
