**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
