i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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