Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They took my balls.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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