you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
