Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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