Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
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Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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