I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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