Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”