Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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