Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
