Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
