So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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