is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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