I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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