sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
