Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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