I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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