If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
