weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want is dick and wine.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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