so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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