Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
