You just made me feel so damn special
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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