Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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