Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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