I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
