dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
