You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
