nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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