I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
