I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
