I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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