i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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