Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
