You work out of a Hotel?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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