Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
