Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
one might say we're banned from that church
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
